


The Capulet Letters

by IvyOnTheHolodeck



Category: Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 22:43:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7482789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvyOnTheHolodeck/pseuds/IvyOnTheHolodeck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julie - If you won’t stay in your room or in the sheep pen, then you’ll have to come with me. Once Nurse gets started at the bottle, she’ll not notice you sneaking out. At the far end of the garden there is a hydrangea bush - brush it aside and you’ll find a tunnel under the wall. If you manage to wriggle through and make your way to the sycamore grove at the west of the city, we will allow you to join our troupe. We are Verona’s Players! Be careful no one sees you.</p><p>Your cousin,</p><p>Ty</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Capulet Letters

**Author's Note:**

> To clarify - "an" is the Shakespearean equivalent of "if." 
> 
> All the names are pulled from Shakespearean plays. Most are from the guest list Lord Capulet's fateful party.
> 
> I wrote this years ago after reading Rom&Jul in English. It's pretty silly, but if you've just finished the actual play, this might be just the kind of fix-it fun you need. :)
> 
> And no, Romeo is not dating Voldemort!

* * *

 

Julie - An you won’t stay in your room or in the sheep pen, then you’ll have to come with me. Once Nurse gets started at the bottle, she’ll not notice you sneaking out. At the far end of the garden there is a hydrangea bush - brush it aside and you’ll find a tunnel under the wall. An you manage to wriggle through and make your way to the sycamore grove at the west of the city, we will allow you to join our troupe. We are Verona’s Players! Be careful no one sees you.

Your cousin,

Ty

 

* * *

 

Ty,

What were you thinking? Julie is only eleven years old - surely she isn’t ready to join Verona’s greatest band of vagabonds! Her mother will start to ask after her, and then we shall all be caught. You have doomed us all. What will life be without the Players?

Player’s Luck,

Rom

 

* * *

 

Dear Rosa,

We need to find some way to convince the other boys that Julie deserves to be included. I see that you like her, and she seems clever to me. What stunt can we pull off?

Your Brother Player,

Merry

 

* * *

 

Merry, leave it to us. Julie is a genius! You will be as surprised as the others when the “stunt” occurs.

With Playerish excitement,

Rosa

 

* * *

 

Rosa,

I have the refreshments. Come via the tunnel I showed you at four o’clock sharp.

Love,

Julie

 

* * *

 

Dear Players,

You are cordially invited to attend a rooftop viewing of Lord Capulet’s party tonight. An you come to the tunnel’s entrance at 7:00, you shall be escorted in to your VIP (Very Important Player) seats. Expect the festivities to be a little less restrained than usual!

Your Sister Players,

Julie and Rosa

 

* * *

 

Rom,

Even you cannot deny that last night’s performance was spectacular. Julie informs me, rather smugly, that she nabbed some of her Nurse’s strongest aqua vitae and dumped it into the soup while Cook was distracted by Rosa. Would you not say that Lady Anteledae slapping her husband and then collapsing into tears was the high point of the evening? Or perhaps Cressida kissing Angelo with such abandon. I expect Cressida’s husband will be annoyed - especially since the two were mid-dance! Oh, that will cause gossip...

With Playerish pleasure,

Ty

 

* * *

 

Dear Rosa,

Happy twelfth birthday! I thought this book might interest you in particular; don’t worry, I bought it legally. We wouldn’t want a repeat of the awkwardness Rom got into with Ty’s stolen silver buckles…

Playerishly yours,

Ben

 

* * *

 

Ben,

Let me just say, excellent tactics. A book of spells, and a pressed rose? Girls gobble that stuff up. I wonder which spell they’ll try first… Maybe we should warn Ty to keep a subtle eye on Julie so that we are forewarned of any mischief they cook up.

Cheerily Playeresque,

Val

 

* * *

 

Dear Rosa,

We need to find more flowers! The boys will not be held by three puny strings. I shall gather a few from my family’s gardens, and you must gather some from yours. Tonight we shall meet in the usual place to perform the rites. Won’t it be funny when the boys wake up and can’t move??? I think we should catch Ben first - maybe you can finally get that kiss you’ve been pursuing!

Love,

Julie

 

* * *

 

Merry,

An you fancy my cousin so much, here is your chance to claim her. The girls plan to put a spell on us using daisy chains (crazy but true). Julie has been teasing Rosa about kissing Ben - maybe we can convince Julie to kiss you! Ah, sweet romance - we are fourteen years, and the girls twelve, so I suppose we are old enough.

Players Forever,

Tybalt

 

* * *

 

Julie,

I shall die of shame. You know why - and I hope you do not feel similarly. We shall get them for this.

Rosa

 

* * *

 

Dear Rosa,

I am sorry, but it may be a while before I can get away. You will have heard of the fight - all the city talks of it. Two of my uncles and three of my cousins were killed. Ty is safe, thank goodness.  Rom and Ben were elsewhere, and Merry and Val have no quarrel with our family. I don’t understand why my father hates Rom’s father so terribly. Surely some past slight is not worth this blood. Alack, I am getting this paper wet - but you know how I loved Uncle Demetrio. Maybe when we get older we will inherit the house and end the bloodshed.

Love,

Julie

 

* * *

 

Dear Romeo,

I cannot hide my true feelings anymore. I have been in love with you for the last two years. I know you probably despise me, and that this letter will not help. But please, an you care nothing for me, tell me now so that I can finally give up hope. I am placing the axe within your hands and exposing my neck - you may choose whether or not to swing. An all you feel is pity, I understand. All I need is a yes or no.

Love (what a relief to write the word),

You-Know-Who

PS: Would you not say that I can disguise my handwriting well?

 

* * *

 

Dear Julie,

Thank goodness the library window is big enough for you to squeeze through! And thank goodness your father approves of education. Otherwise I might never have seen you again! ‘Twould be a fate worse than death!

Love,

Rosaline

PS: I think my sister Livia likes your cousin Tybalt...

 

* * *

 

Dear Ty,

Rom, Merry, Ben, and I shall be hiding in wait. You get Julie to stand under the tallest tree, and we’ll all jump down at once. Rosa has promised to bring the cake, and everyone else has their presents. Won’t Julie be surprised!

Player to Player,

Valentine

PS: Considering that tomorrow will be the only time Julie will ever turn fourteen, please try to avoid staring daggers at Rom. I know you two are on opposing sides of your parents’ fight, but really, the way you two keep glancing at each other is so tiresome. Hang up the hate for just one day? Thanks again.

 

* * *

 

You said all you needed was a yes or no. Yes. Zounds, yes. I thought I was the only one.

With so much love,

Romeo

 

* * *

 

Dearest Romeo,

Meet me in the wood at midnight.

Love,

You-know-who

 

* * *

 

Dear Juliet,

See? I remembered to keep my promise and call you by your real name. I wondered an you thought we should introduce Helena to Verona’s Players. She has more energy than even Merry. By the way, would I be correct in guessing that his birthday gift was a surprise? You should have seen the look on your face! Anyway, the Players convene tomorrow to vote about Helena - Valentine seems star-struck, so he will probably argue for, and Tybalt against, since he doesn’t like the idea of adding to the circle. I plan to take whichever side you do, but I think she could make life interesting. Especially since she knows how to maneuver around men. A pity she’s married… Poor thing is only fourteen - for crying out loud, she’s our age!

Love,

Rosaline

 

* * *

 

Dear Juliet,

I would like to thank you for allowing me to join your friends’ troupe. Merry tells me that you were the one to convince Tybalt. An there is ever anything, anything at all, that I can do for you, you need only ask. An you manage to sneak out tonight, we three girls can slip into Old Montague’s party and dance! Merry, Ben, and Val all promised to be there, but Rom says he has a headache and Ty is still huffy about my inclusion.

Your Player and would-be Sister,

Helena

 

* * *

 

Dearest Romeo,

While the others are at the party, meet me under the sycamore grove.  

Love,

You-know-who

 

* * *

 

Dear Rom,

I left the party early because the wine was making me dizzy and guess who I saw in the woods, hm? Evidently I was not the only one to sneak out. Next time I recommend that you two save your little trysts for days when other Players aren’t out and about. I know at least one heart you would break. And don’t worry, I won’t tell.

Playerishly silent,

Helena

 

* * *

 

Dear Rosa,

It may be some days before I can escape again. This last fight has everyone on edge. None of my family was harmed, thank goodness. I hear that Ben tried to help break it up and was cut on the cheek. A scar will make him look quite dashing, wouldn’t you say? A story to tell your children… But perhaps such statements are premature.

Love,

Juliet

 

* * *

 

Juliet -

Don’t bother sneaking out. I can’t stand to look at you, any of you.

Rosaline

 

* * *

 

Juliet -

From the way you stubbornly keep throwing pebbles at my window despite my clear indication that I am uninterested in seeing you, I can tell that you have not heard. My brother Enrico was in the fight - he did not choose a side, he was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. The doctor has had to amputate his right leg. Enrico will not walk again.

Rosaline

 

* * *

 

Dearest Romeo,

I cannot go another day without seeing your face. I will meet you at the marketplace corner at ten o’clock.

Love,

You-know-who

 

* * *

 

Dear Merry,

Help me, please. Rosaline will not speak to me because her brother was wounded in last month’s fight. There must be some way to end this unnecessary violence! All I can think of is that an Romeo and I were to both die tragically in such a fight, then maybe our parents would see sense. At this point I would almost be ready to martyr myself! You have always been so clever; can you think up some scheme?

Desperately,

Juliet

 

* * *

 

Dear Juliet,

You have the answer right in front of you! It was a stroke of brilliance on your part to realize that only the deaths of us children can end the violence. I think, an we staged the greatest hoax of our time, we might be able to end this. I know this is an awkward question, but do you think you could realistically pull of an act in which you are in love with Romeo? And he you? An so, all we need do is convince our parents that you two are in love - and then have you two appear to kill yourselves when they strive to keep you apart. Meet me under the willow grove tomorrow night with the others to discuss this possibility.

Your friend,

Mercutio

 

* * *

 

Dear Rosa,

I know that you are angry with the rest of us Players, but Juliet has come up with a plan that could potentially end the grudge between their families permanently. It will involve tricking their parents into believing that Romeo and Juliet are in love. “Romeo and Juliet” has a nice ring to it, wouldn’t you say? But we will absolutely need your help an we want to pull it off. Please meet us at the sycamore grove at midnight tomorrow and I will explain the entire plan.

Players Eternally,

Mercutio

 

* * *

 

Notes regarding phase I (practice):

Romeo: stunned look of amazement, utterly in love, obsession

Juliet: innocent look, confused and young, should not look like she knows what she is doing, must learn to stop laughing mid-swoon (this means you Julie!)

Benvolio: trustworthiness, honesty, compassion

Tybalt: pugnacity, rage, lack of reason, worry for Juliet

Rosaline: chaste temptress

Mercutio: mocking friend

Valentine and Helena: (behind the scenes work, esp. gossip)

 

* * *

 

(Unsent; found under a board in Mercutio’s room)

Dearest Juliet,

Thou art as glorious as the night, being o’er my head, as a winged messenger of heaven, unto the white-upturned wondering eyes of mortals that fall back to gaze on him when he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds and sails upon the bosom of the air. Thou art to the moon and sun passing fair, and thy smile doth light up the night till birds sing and think it noon.

All my love,

Your Merry

 

* * *

 

My dear one,

I am so sorry about this acting. I just want to end the feud so I can be with you without fear at last. I know it bothers you to read these hateful lines, but soon this will all be in the past. Same place as last time, at three in the morning?

Love,

Romeo

 

* * *

 

Dear Rosa,

I can clearly tell that Mercutio has fallen hard for Juliet. You have probably noticed this too. I think it is possible that Juliet likes Merry too, but is too uncomfortable to say anything. Val and I agree that we need to set them up, but we decided to ask you first. You are her best friend - what do you think? Anyone can see that Juliet is in love with someone. I think it’s Merry, but an it isn’t… Please, help enlighten me.

Your Sister Player,

Helena

 

* * *

 

Dear Helena,

I agree. Perhaps we could leave Juliet and Merry alone while we others are at tonight’s dance?

Playerfully,

Rosaline

 

* * *

 

Dear Juliet,

I am sorry I was so angry before. I see how hard you are working to get this right. Anyone willing to make puppy-dog eyes at Romeo of all people must be a zealot. Anyway, I won’t be able to come tonight - Romeo, Ben, Helena, Val, and I are going to a party. We are setting the stage for Romeo’s first love-sickness. Helena wants to see an she can convince her husband Lucio that Romeo is in love with me. Ben will discreetly tip off the Montagues, and Val will quietly spread the word. (Tybalt says that watching Rom pretend to lust after me turns his stomach.) I’ll tell you how it goes tomorrow. Poor you, left alone with only Mercutio for company - maybe he can read you some of the poetry he’s been writing for Romeo to say. Honestly, I suspect he wishes that he was the one to perform them!

Your Sister,

Rosaline

 

* * *

 

Juliet,

It worked only too well. Rom was practically panting. Disgusting. The reeds were soaked in drool. You have my pity.

Love,

Rosaline

 

* * *

 

Dear Friar Lawrence,

You are aware of the feud that exists between the Montagues and the Capulets. We of the younger generation believe that we can end it by convincing the houses’ heads that their children have died tragically because the romance kept them apart. All we ask is that you claim that Romeo and Juliet are married, and then later during the death scene repeat the lines we give you.

Our eternal thanks,

Mercutio, Juliet, Romeo, Tybalt, Rosaline, Benvolio, Valentine, and Helena

 

* * *

 

My dear children, I would be delighted to help you in any way I can. God bless you.

Friar Lawrence

 

* * *

 

Notes regarding phase II (stoking the fire):

  1. Rosaline and Valentine (dressed as Capulet servants) meet Mercutio and Romeo (dressed as Montague servants) in the marketplace and start a fight.
  2. Benvolio enters and tells them to part.
  3. Tybalt enters and challenges Benvolio directly.
  4. Mercutio runs to warn the Montagues, Valentine to the Capulets.
  5. Romeo tips off the Prince’s men.



This should inflame the anger of the two houses and bring their rivalry to a head; it shall also establish Tybalt as the fighter and Benvolio as the peacemaker.

 

* * *

 

Dearest Helena,

~~Why oh why must you be married?~~

~~You are the most beautiful~~

~~I wish I could tell you~~

~~I have become obsessed~~

~~Please tell me~~

Friar Laurence said he would give you the pig bladders, but, would it please you, I can pick them up.

~~Ever lovingly~~

Players forever,

Val

 

* * *

 

Tybalt, you must carry this news to the others posthaste! Mother has just been to see me - she wants me to look at Paris at tonight’s party as a potential husband! This could work in our favor - Mother will be watching me carefully. We may have to perform the balcony scene tonight. Remind Romeo to open his eyes wide and be shocked!

Yours,

Juliet

 

* * *

 

Dear Merry,

Thank you ever so for the poetry you wrote. The balcony was pulled off to perfection. I could see Lord Capulet straining to hear from the other end of the garden. He will doubtless tell my lady mother. Does Val have the bladders yet? Tybalt’s death quickly approaches… Just after I “marry” Romeo. Friar Lawrence does understand that I care naught for Romeo, right? Because I absolutely refuse to actually marry him, and I think he feels likewise.

Yours,

Juliet

 

* * *

 

My one true love,

I feel the irony as I stage a marriage while desperately wishing for a real one! Our day is soon coming, I am sure of it. Forgive me this farce an it lets us be together in the future.

Love,

Romeo

 

* * *

 

My dear Livia,

I’m sure you will have already heard the news. The city fairly shouts it. My condolences for your loss - I know how you admired the noble Tybalt. My dear, I know you are good enough to think it wrong, but hesitate not to come speak to Lucio about it. This marriage I have is one of friendship, not romance, and I have noticed the way you two look at each other when you think no one sees.

Your friend,

Helena

 

* * *

 

Dear Rosa,

Very nicely done with the pigs’ bladders. An I had not helped the boys stuff their shirts and practice their lines, I too would have thought that Merry and Ty were mortally wounded. Convenient how Merry disappeared right before he was pronounced dead, eh? When he walked into the room we had reserved, Julie practically threw herself at him - “Did they need to actually hurt you? Oh gods, Merry, talk to me!” I am glad we set them up.  And we must commend Rom and Ty on their truly passionate performance. They are players among Players.

Love,

Helena

 

* * *

 

My love, forgive me for pretending to consummate this foul, false marriage. Worry not, I shall not "threaten" anyone’s "maidenhead" until after I lawfully wed you, my dearest. Well done today, by the way.

So very much love,

Romeo

 

* * *

 

My lord Paris,

My daughter has been weeping and wailing since her cousin’s death, and I begin to fear for her health. We must not let the flower of the house of Capulet droop. An you come upon the morrow, we may discuss your suit. I quickly become convinced that the sooner Juliet be wed, the better for all.

Regards,

Lord Capulet

 

* * *

 

Dear Friar Laurence,

Please, please help me. I cannot remain as I am much longer. Please. Lucio agrees, since he has fallen for Rosaline’s sister Livia. Tell me not that the end of holy marriage is a sin; instead think of the two loving Christian unions that will begin!

Helena

 

* * *

 

Dear Rosa,

I have urgent news that you must carry to the others posthaste. I still cannot believe my own eyes. This afternoon, I walked into my mother’s room to speak to her one last time before my “death” only to find her in the arms of none but my ardent suitor! Lord Paris, come to think of it, is nine-and-twenty years of age, while my mother, having bore me young, is merely eight-and-twenty. The fools did not even notice me, they were so busy kissing. Evidently my mother and I are more similar than I had thought - both caught in not-so-secret forbidden romance! Hopefully Paris will continue to visit our house for a few days more (to see my lady mother) so that my father will insist he marry me. I think we could implement our plans even more believably  than we imagined. Instead of killing myself over Romeo’s banishment, which would have been tricky to publicize, I can kill myself because I will otherwise be married to Paris.

Playerfully confused, but ever loving,

Juliet

 

* * *

 

My lord Paris,

When my father insists, as I know he shall, that you marry me, do not fight him. I shall see that such a foul union shall not occur. And do not think of telling anyone - even my mother - of this letter, because I saw the two of you last night, and I am more than willing to spread your tale to the world.

Juliet

 

* * *

 

My lord father,

Thy command to marry lord Paris is more repugnant than you can imagine, for I have already been wed. My husband is the great and good youth whom you forced from Verona’s streets two days ago. Alack, for I cannot live without my Romeo, and I would leap from the battlements of yonder tower ere I was unfaithful to my sweet love. Remember, always remember, that your cankered hate brought this upon you. I thirst for my sweet poison.

Your daughter,

Juliet Montague

 

* * *

 

Dear Prince Escalus,

Alack the day, for my daughter’s love of her cousin Tybalt hath overwhelmed her at last. She has joined the angels. The cause of her death is obvious, so good Prince, be true - for blood of mine, shed blood of Montague!

Ever your servant,

Lord Capulet

 

* * *

 

Lord Capulet,

Be not a fool.

Sincerely,

Escalus, Prince of Verona

 

* * *

 

Dear Rom,

The stage is set. Juliet has taken the potion and has been buried. Ty escaped the tomb today since his potion had worn off. It was fairly easy for him to slip into the shadows, and then pretend to weep with all the other fools at Julie’s funeral. Ty and Merry are quite bored pretending to be dead. We are so close to the finish! Then we can all escape off to Mantua for a few years until all this cools down.

Players Forever,

Rosaline

 

* * *

 

Dear Ben,

I know you were not at the final scene last night, so I thought you might like a synopsis of its proceedings. Everything would have gone perfectly, but for Lord Paris’s conscience. Apparently he blamed himself for Juliet’s “suicide” and thought she had killed herself because she had caught him with Lavinia. Merry, Helena, Ty, and I were watching from the shadows as poor Paris talked to himself, and according to Ty, Lavinia is Lady Capulet’s given name! Now _that_ is what I call a scandal. Anyway, enter Romeo, who thought having another witness to his “death” would be a brilliant idea. Paris thought Romeo was there to desecrate Juliet’s grave. Romeo was about to get into his “O Juliet my sun” monologue when Paris suddenly pulled a sword on him. Those of us in the shadows all tensed. Romeo unsheathed his sword too, trying to calm Paris down while remaining in character. My Lord Idiot wouldn’t listen - he attacked. Romeo is a fair hand at the sword, but Paris fought like a demon - it was obvious Rom would be overwhelmed. They parried and thrust and feinted and leapt. After thirty of the most terrifying seconds of my life, Paris knocked Romeo to the ground, and was about to stab him when Tybalt jumped up with a roar. Paris spun to face him, but the shock of seeing a dead man walking threw him off guard. Tybalt had him on the ground in three blows. He was about to go for the kill when Romeo, who had risen to his feet, placed his hand on Ty’s shoulder and told him to stop. And then - to my shock - Tybalt turned around and kissed Romeo full on the mouth! Romeo was just as enthusiastic. Now, looking back on it, I laugh - we staged a love story of Montague and Capulet completely oblivious to the fact that there was one going on right under our noses! Anyway, the rest of the night went just as planned - Romeo and Juliet took the potion. (Juliet said she really did not want to take it again, after just waking up.) Romeo and Ty were holding hands the entire time. After the original surprise, we were all fairly acceptant of it. Love is love, yes? Anyway, I shall meet you in Mantua in three weeks. I do not care what excuse you use to get away. Just do it. I will not wait for you any longer.

Love,

Rosa

 

* * *

 

Dear Friar Laurence,

A thousand times thank you. I am so light I could fly!

Your servant,

Helena

 

* * *

 

Dear Friar Laurence,

You are cordially invited to a quintuple marriage ceremony at Mantua’s cathedral on Thursday next. The couples of honor shall be Romeo and Tybalt, Juliet and Mercutio, Rosaline and Benvolio, Helena and Valentine, and Lucio and Livia.

Forever in your debt,

Verona’s Players

 


End file.
